Posts tagged Telling Better Stories
December 10, 2013,5:41 pm
We were driving the other day when I heard this story-telling monologue from the back seat:
(Holds up one hand.) “THIS guy wants to destroy the world!”
(Holds up other hand.) “THIS guy wants to save the world!”
“This guy’s destroying the world! He wants to blow it up! And this guy’s going to stop him! He’s going to kill that guy! Yaaaaayyyyyy….he’s dead and the world is saved!!!!”
Strangled sounds are coming from the front seat. (That’s me.) “Wow. That was exciting…”
And then I have a flash. Nelson Mandela has just died, and Invictus is my daughter’s favourite movie. We’ve just attended a memorial service. Thank God I have a reference point, a powerful, heartfelt way to offer a different world view.
“Darling? I’m just thinking about Nelson Mandela. What I love about his true life story is that he didn’t have to kill bad guys to change our world. I think it’s really cool that his story was about INCLUDING everyone, that his goal was to SHARE power, that even though he was hurt by others, he knew that the biggest change would come if he opened his heart, and cared about the people that had treated him badly.”
I know that Nelson Mandela’s history beyond the Invictus movie includes his belief that there are times that require physical, armed revolution, but I loved that I could offer my daughter this different paradigm. Maybe we’re not going to need to kill any bad guys to save the world. Maybe inclusion, and speaking our minds, and standing for a deeper truth, and intentional kindness, are really the foundational keys to making big change.
I hope so, and I’m betting on it.
To share in this conversation – to plot with me to save our world – our children’s world – one family at a time, take a look at my upcoming Big Picture Parenting class. I really believe that each one of us, one conversation at a time, is changing the world, as we learn new ways to do things, and teach those new paradigms to our children.
Come join the conversation!
Please share your inspiring stories below!
I am reposting this from my old, old website, to go with the new blog post I’m posting today…
I unintentionally saw “Avatar” this past weekend. I had thought I remembered that someone I trusted said I “had” to see it. Oops.
I admit that life without a TV and only seeing a few movies a year for the past ten years has made me pretty picky about the stuff I watch, but still. What came up for me was this: we need to tell better stories to our children.
Our children, our teenagers, and we ourselves, need to hear stories that orient us, inspire us, and that mobilize us FOR something worth working for. Could we create a new paradigm, one in which we are working for, not fighting for, something worthwhile? Instead of telling stories about how to be the Us that’s better, stronger, and smarter than some evil Them, can we figure out how to tell powerful stories where no one has to win and no one has to lose?
It’s pretty well-known by now that the images we create in our minds with words, create actions. Saying “Walk!” works better than saying “Don’t run!” to establish and change behaviour. When children see, hear, or read certain stories, they try out the behaviours, ideas, and beliefs they are exposed to. (I know this for sure – in this past week, Grandma read my girl a book about drawing on walls with markers, and my little girl took to the walls for the first time in her almost 5 years.) Do you think that if we start to tell and choose stories of cooperation, problem solving, people uniting for the common good, that we might begin to change the way we think about our collective future?
I hear the chorus of voices (I’ve heard them often in my life) saying “Lisa Kathleen, you are too idealistic! It is human nature to polarize, to compete, to need to kill to win, to need a bad guy!” I say DITCH that idea. I believe human nature is evolving, but more than that, I believe that if it isn’t, it can. I believe it because I cannot be the only one out here who believes in peace without needing to blame war on anyone. I cannot be the only one out here who wants to watch stories of solutions that don’t need losers. I cannot be the only one who craves a new story, not just new special effects. (I didn’t even get to watch the 3-D version of Avatar, by the way. Some say that if I had, I could have forgiven the whole thing. Somehow, I don’t think so…)
Here are some ways to tell better stories to your children. 1) Tell YOUR stories. Your childhood, your learnings, your adventures. The mistakes you made. How you do things differently now. The insight you gained. 2) Tell THEIR stories. Their birth. Their birthdays. Their accidents. Their adventures. 3) Tell their ancestors’ stories. Find out everything you can, and tell those stories. If there are learnings associated with them, great. If not, that’s okay, too. The connection that children gain from knowing where they came from is key.
What you will notice as you tell these stories is that children, especially young children who haven’t been exposed to our typical cultural stories, don’t need great battles. They don’t need a bad guy for them to be interested in the story. They don’t even need much plot. What they need are stories that orient them to themselves, to their place in the world, and to what’s going on inside of themselves. (You may have heard me talk before about orienting as one of the primary roles of a parent. Children attach to adults through orientation. When we orient our children in the world, we deepen their connection to us. When our children know that we are the ones who can help them understand what’s happening inside, and outside, themselves, they consistently turn to us for insight.)
When children watch movies, read books, or hear the stories you tell them, they take away understandings about the world. If the story shares certain paradigms (The bottom line is Us versus Them or Might makes Right) then children, who are gathering information to create their framework for understanding how the world works, use that information to orient themselves in the world.
I am inspired by thoughts about what would happen if we applied this tool to our choices of movies, books, and TV programs for our children. What if we chose stories whose implicit messages and paradigms say “There is always a respectful solution,” or “When people work together, amazing things can happen”? What if the bottom line was that when we change common cultural beliefs, we can change the world?
I believe that parenting for sustainability involves sharing models of finding solutions that work. We’ve spent enough time and energy with quick-fix, might-makes-right solutions that don’t create sustainable relationships on any level. Let’s share stories that lead to different endings.
Please comment below to share books, movies, or other stories that you know of that inspire us with different paradigms.
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