Love is a Choice
So, here’s the thing. Love is a choice. It’s not something that just happens to you.
You may be a parent who feels naturally loving and giving with your children, or you may be a parent who wonders where this cheerful, happy love is, whether your kids even like you, and why you don’t feel more loving towards them, more often. Chances are that you relate to both, at different times.
There may be times when you are overflowing with love and goodness, and times when you feel like an empty well, dry-heaving up tiny bits of love, in whatever form you can, to share with your ever-needing children.
And here it is. Love is love. The vomit-love may even be a more pure and real form of love than the icing-on-the-cake kind of love. That vomit-love comes from the moments that you are digging so deep to find the little bit of love that you can offer. It comes from your commitment to staying as peaceful, kind and loving as you can, even in the hardest times. Love in those moments may feel strained, uncomfortable, or not-good-enough. It may feel like one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.
That kind of love comes when you feel you have nothing left to give, and when you’ve CHOSEN to ACT lovingly, anyway.
That kind of love comes when somewhere inside of you, you know that love isn’t just a feeling, it’s an action and a verb.
Here’s what I believe. Love is the energy of life force. If you are alive, you ARE love. When you think you have nothing left to give, love is ALL that’s left. It’s at the bottom of the pit of despair, it’s at the core of your humanity.
For me, choosing this way of thinking means that when I’m not feeling very loving, I know I’ve just forgotten who I am, and I need to reconnect. It means that I believe, in the hard moments, that digging a little deeper will reveal little chunks (no pun intended) of gold.
It also means that when I find myself in an unloving cycle of unloving actions or words, I start digging. I dig through my beliefs and thought-patterns. I dig through my layers of feelings. I dig through my history and the hurts I’ve experienced as a child. And eventually, as I dig, I find gold.
Sometimes, I dig in the moment, and sometimes, I dig when I can set aside time to explore. It depends on how deep I think I need to dig before I can find love.
And, always, inevitably, I find it. Glittering and shiny, bright enough to make me smile and cry at the same time. Somewhere, underneath the anger, stress, frustration, sadness, and fear, is love, love, love.
And then, once I’ve found the path to love through that particular maze, it’s a shorter journey next time. I can systematize the process! I can make a plan to follow that path again next time I need to dig!
And I can show my children, over and over again, with my actions, my choices, my attempts, and my learning, that they are worthy of love.
Each hard choice, each forced word, each new path, is a gift to them that they will always hold in their hearts, year after year, for a lifetime.
If you want to reframe, prepare, and practice for the hard moments, my upcoming Preemptive Discipline Class might be just the thing. I’d love to share it with you.
Click here to register, or for all the details: Yes! I’m ready to dig deep for love!
I promise you’ll leave the class feeling more confident, less likely to do the things you don’t like doing (ie yelling, spanking, or being mean), and more loving towards yourself and your children.
Click here to register: Yes! I want to have a plan BEFORE I start to lose it!
I think you’ll love it! And I’d love to see you there! Give me a call with any questions you have, or to register for the class. If finances are a barrier for you, please consider Full Circle Parenting’s pay-what-you-can program.
Here’s what one parent said about the class:
“I feel like I finally have a plan to raise our happy, healthy children in keeping with our family’s most important values. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Lisa Kathleen!” ~ C.B. (mom of 2 boys)
You can register HERE to have fun, understand your children better, and learn to handle your triggers in the hard moments, or call me to chat and see if the class is a fit for you!